Dealing with Toxic Family Members


We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.

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6 comments

  1. Ah, I love this practical objective view. How many years we spend emotionally tied up in trying to win the hearts of people who essentially see us as their prey. Let us let go and let God, or at least make that our aim instead of trying to win the heart of the one who would devour ours. That is God’s concern, if it happens, it is most likely not because of our entanglements. Thanks for keeping it real and simple. Real simple.

    1. I have seen someone close who (literally) spent all of her life winning the heart of someone. When she died, he remained the same. I do not know how it feels, but I know how it influence others around you who really love you.
      Thank you for liking my post. It is what I have learned from personal experience.

      1. You’re very welcome. Well-deserved in my opinion. There is a saying from the recovery circles I grew in, it goes like this: “I cannot change another person by direct action. I can only change myself. Others have a tendency to change in reaction to my change.” They call it the Bombshell Theory because it will blow your mind. At least the mind of well-meaning co-dependents.

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