Humor

Caution: Bad Person Here. Inventing Really Bad Words


All my frustration is tickling my creative self as a result my creativity shake hands with the bad person in my head. Now we can have pretty good and new name calling system in town. It takes practice for poor good people but for really really bad people it comes as natural as breaths.

Here you go. Enjoy the latest bad words.

Gutter Mind! (Is it new?)

You are short on Brain Muscle!

Your soul swimming in potty water!

Go Die in Dustbin!

Go smell dirty baby’s diapers!

Shut Your Garbage Hole!

You have pee running in your veins, not blood!

Bang Your Head on the Toilet Seat!

Flush your brain in the toilet!

DIE You Dirty Freak Munching on Manholes Rubbish!

We will come back with more soon. For the mean time use these freely!

And spread evil!!!!

BUhahahaha

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Underwear; The Minions Song


I was having a pretty good “writing moment” when someone put Minions song on and with pretty high volume. *poof* Seriousness vanished!
So… here…I have a confession to make… I love minions. Cute little yellow creatures. They are funny. They are not jealous of each other. They do not think negative. Who can dislike them?
The language they speak sounds gibberish to many but for me this Minionese actually befriend many languages; English, Hindi, Italian, French. If you are one of those people who want the world full of love, why not start a petition to make Minionese international language.
If you are feeling sad, their songs are perfect cure for your sad heart.
Don’t believe? Put on some minions songs and see for yourself.
Kampai!!!! (Cheers)
Minions

What is it with Unconditional Love


Unconditional love, warmth, glow in eyes, radiant faces and devotion; this can spread smile of satisfaction on your lips and a calmness in your heart but it is NONSENSE! Really. Love is a fantasy created by some French theatre artists. People loved to watch their plays about this hypothetical concept and they started liking it. Slowly, it became norm.

But Hello!!! It does not exist. If you have ever given someone that unconditional love you must be well aware of the heartache it causes.

It disturbs hearts, distresses brains, and stomach. I am sure people were not aware of the heartburn, acid refluxes and nausea before this French concept of… NO!!!! not French fries!!! I am talking about love here and your mind was wandering in the kitchen? Go and make those freaking potato chips. Eat, pray but DONT love.

8 Ways To Super Annoy Your Husband


I was reading this post http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/06/27/for-men-only-10-ways-to-get-out-of-an-argument the other day and came up with some brilliant ideas for ladies.
1. Whenever he tries to watch TV while you want to discuss something. Stand in front of the TV and start your conversation like Newscaster.
2. If he “forgets” to cover the toilet seat. Glue the seat. He will get the lesson within 24 hours.
3. You want to take revenge? Whenever he tries to talk, open your book and act to read with some “uh-uh”, “yes, I am listening”, “hm” etc.
4. During a football match, start talking with your friend on phone, start playing candy-crush with “full enthusiasm” or just simply cut the TV cable by “accident”.
5. If he comes late in the evening and does not take even a day off. Soak all of his clothes overnight in bleach. You two will be going shopping on that day.
6. Want something from grocery and he is not going. Flush out the coffee and beer in the toilet. Now he will go.
7. Hate his friends coming home? When the doorbell rings. Go upstarts and start throwing plant-pots on their heads.
8. You try to wake him up when the alarm goes off and he does not wakes up. Buy stainless steel utensils and every time alarm goes off start throwing those utensils all over the room!

9 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up


There come times when everything around you is so disturbing. Everyone seems your enemy. Everyone is getting on your nerves. What can you do for yourself at these troublesome times in your life? Do not worry. Here is a set of 10 golden rules.
1. Ring the neighbor’s doorbell and run! Fast!
2. Stand in middle of a road, look up and yell, “Asteroids!” and run!
3. Sit in front of a mirror and make faces.
4. Sing your own opera style song.
5. Do the dance. Choreograph something solely for you.
6. Apply a face pack and go on a walk.
7. Follow someone in a mart and keep emptying their trolley, until they notice, off course. Run the second they know.
8. Paint a park bench and let people join you to sit. The moment they sit. Run!
9. Most of the methods involve ‘running’, so you can just go out, look at someone’s face, stare, keep staring and run fast yelling, “Zombie Attack!”

3 Reasons Why I Hate and 6 Reasons Why I Love Spiderman


I hate him because;
1. He is creepy because he throw spider webs from his wrists.
2. He has hairy finger-tips.
3. He stole his friend’s girl.
I love him because;
1. While spiders are creepy, Spiderman happens to be good-looking.
2. He is intelligent.
3. He has saved his love from the villain.
4. He can jump without falling.
5. Spiderman’s webs tend to clear themselves up, so there is no need of someone to clean the city.
6. It is because of Spiderman that I know that with great power comes great responsibility.

Google and Relationship Advices


Have you ever type such things in Google search box
‘How to impress a girl’
‘Why is he not talking to me’
‘How to tell if he loves me’
‘My husband ignores me what should I do’
‘How to make a man happy’
‘How to get rid of a girlfriend’
‘How to deal with an ex’
‘How to deal with an angry spouse’
‘How to stop fighting with your husband’
‘How to stop a nagging wife’
and the list goes on. If you have typed any above query or something like these you are not alone. Google is the second best parent and friend for many with relationship problems. After all, Google knows a lot about everything! Sometimes I wonder should I write relationship advice articles? Edison-ically speaking, I know 10,)00 ways that do not work!
Now, for the people who are reading it for the sake of advice instead of some blah-blah, the best piece of advice I can offer for men is;
Fake it and Tell lies!
Really, fake it that you love her even if you want her to disappear somehow and let you breathe. When you feel you need space, instead of misbehaving and crushing her heart, say, “I will be late from office.” Go out for a half an hour walk or unwind yourself by giving yourself some me-time away from home.
Now, for ladies, the best relationship advice is;
Let him Breathe. Give him space! (I am a lady and I am saying it.)
You are not his mom. So stop being one. Do not revolve around him. He loves you and you love him too, but that does not mean that you make him your whole world and kill him with extra-sweetness and make him dizzy by revolving around. That is why please, do not suffocate him. Men need ‘me-time’ more than you do.
I did not want to write such an article after big-time flop article on the same topic . But as I say, I am a lady, so I cannot keep shut up for a long time.
😛

Offended by Harsh Reality


While the tittle provokes me to write about ‘how the harshness of reality effects minds’ or ‘bitter realities of life’, I really want to stick to what I wanted to write at first place. I want to free my mind from the harshness of realities.
Well, I guarantee that no one will get offended by this post.
I am a follower of Harsh Reality.
http://aopinionatedman.com/
OM, the writer writes so well. The best quality that attracts me the most is; he keeps reader engaged from the first line of the post till the end. I ( who love to read to take away something knowledgeable from every piece of writing) ended up reading OM’s posts that are merely some posts addressing to some of his readers or ‘ex-followers’.
For people or (his haters?) who are thinking that it is some kind of publicity for HR, I want to say that he does not know that someone on the other side of the globe is writing about his blog. So, I want to make it clear that neither I am getting dollars in return nor any followers because I highly doubt this post to get noticed by the busy blogger.
While the purpose of the blog is to offend everyone at least once on the blog, the place is a perfect example of how to win the heart of the reader back. The blogger sometimes address people who want to unfollow the blog, but I wonder how they get so much offended by mere humor and light fun posts.
I was once under the HR’s ‘indirectly direct’ offense attack when the writer asked on his post who is following HR from Pakistan as the stats showed a dramatic rise in the views from this country. There was note saying that he is into some martial arts. So, I literally blushed when I read the post because, believe me, I was the one who had been insanely clicking on nearly each and every HR post for a few days. I commented on the post ‘5% offended- 95% embarrassed’. Being the one from purely educational background (University Lecturer), the recipe of Pakistan plus martial art (fight) thing was perfect to offend me. But again, I know how people feel about the people from my country. So the feeling faded away soon and I was again reading HR after a day or two. And here I am writing this story (actually completing it. It was in my drafts).

Words Retention: A Writers’ Disease


Words retention is a disease in writing world. It happens when due to any cause(s) a writer does not write. Heaviness in heart and fogging in mind are the most common symptoms of this diseases. The severity of the symptoms are directly proportional to the time the words retained in the mind of a writer. In worse scenarios a writer can become cranky.
Oh yes, I am trying to be very precise and ‘to-the-point’ here, but I am really feeling like punching someone in the face.
I also feel like crying, throwing things out of the window, yelling at the people on TV and dropping plant pots on the passersby’s heads. So, probably, in the worst case Words Retention can become a cause of violent type of psychological disorders.
You are right if you are thinking that I am just rambling here and there is no scientific base to this theory. So what? I have been retaining many words as some of them made their way out here on this WordPress blog.

Flu: It is not about nose.


It is not something very unfamiliar to all of the mankind. We know how it feels when you do not breathe well and your respiratory tract play strange sounds. Flu is not only a condition with runny nose, sneezing, dizziness etc. It has another phase attached to it; When you get flu your world turns upside-down and just no one understands. Suddenly all the world become your enemy and you become the lonliest person alive. People think that you have become a drama-queen/king without realizing how disturbing the shortage of toilet paper could be! When all you could think of is rest, no one understands why you suddenly start hating the pegion cooing on your wall. Why you just do not want to watch TV and why you hate the news-caster with a fake prefessional smile and the lady bating eye-lashes on another channel.
Your mind stops working in present and starts recalling the painful past. You suddenly remmeber the back-bencher who you once had a fight with in school and the fire of revenge flames up. Although, you do not know where that person is, but you want your seat back!
In short, flu can make you stop writing a post abruptly.