Nearly all the people in their lives spend some very best days. Whenever a bonus is given, a trophy is won, he or she says ‘yes’, that day becomes one of the best days in someone’s life. Despite of all the sorrows and disappointments, no one can claim that he has never experienced a truly happy day of his life. But the matter of our concern, today, is ‘why the happiness disappears and sadness or boredom takes its place?’
When we closely observe we can see a cycle of positive and negative emotions taking turns in lives. When we experience happiness we feel like we are the luckiest on earth and when some bad luck strikes we cry or lose any hope of getting back to normal. The question is; Why does this happen?
To understand this we should first understand two concepts.
1. Happiness gained by acomplishment of wordly desires.
2. Happiness gained by closeness to God and understanding the forces working behind all the happenings.
The happiness that we feel when we achieved something great, or when we spend a good time with our loved ones is always temporary. That is why I do not call it happiness. Instead, it is a trance of happiness. And when this trance breaks we become bored or in most terrible cases we become sad as the state we were in or we were afraid to go in comes back.
What is real happiness? Real happiness is experienced by those whose heart is not stuck into the quagmire of world and who understand that the true happiness and sense of accomplshment does not depent on money or other people. It does not even depend on the person you think your world revolves around. Now, this is something else; an entirly different concept of happiness from the one that we know. The essence of this true happiness is that it is never-lasting. It does not break like a trance. It becomes the shield that protects you from sudden disappoinments and going back into the state you hate to go in.
While many of us are stuck in this cyle and some are struggling to break it, there are people who have broken it and have achieved true sence of happiness and contenment. You think you have never seen such really happy people? You have met many. Do not think about the rich, successful, beautiful or famous that others kind of pray. Think about eyes. Have you seen someone with bright eyes (even behinde spectacles) that seemed to emit an invisible light that enlightened your soul even for a very brief moment. If yes, then you have seen a truly happy person. No matter if he was rich or poor, white or black a famous person or a introvert neighbour.
How to achieve this position in life when your soul does not get plagued with the negativity around you? It is a topic I am still researching on. Your input will be more than welcomed!
Life has a bitter taste too. There are things that we don’t want to talk about. We don’t even want to think about such things because they seem to be quite contrary to the idea that we once had about our life. Think about a army soldier who has now lost his leg. What image he had in his mind about his life? And how is he spending his days now? But he laughs with friends and family. He cries in nights when he is alone. He does share his experience when he is asked about his leg, although, deep down in his heart these questions hurt him. But he has accepted his new life. He is trying to live and carry on. He has learned to shrink himself in a wheelchair.
This attitude can also be seen in animals. You catch a pegion and put it in a cage. After a few weeks when you open the cage and let it fly. It flies but comes back as if the cage was its reality.
I don’t know if it is some kind of coping mechanism or what, but in such cases it seems like we force our brain to forget what we wanted or what we were and train ourselves to be happy with what we cannot change. And this is what the bitterness of life is all about.; things that we cannot change.
Now, coming towards the first part of this mechanism; trying to forget our desires and accept the change. We try to convince ourself that here, there is a very unfathomable phenomenon is involved i.e. Act of God. It is not easy to feed this in our system which was once used to carry out whatever it wanted to do with 100 percent success rate. So, whenever your system comes up with this arguement and makes you feel nostalgic and ultimately wants to drag you into depression.Tell your system that it was you who used to work to achieve that goal, but it was God who provided you with success that is why you should accept this change from God. As I told you it is a tough process so in due course you will fall innumerable times into a ditch known as Emptiness. There you will feel like you have lost everything, even yourself and your identity but you will have to drag yourself out and stand on your feet again start all over again. But the good news is, this time you will not have to put that much effort again.
Now, the second part; how to be happy with such a undesirable change? It has a good news attached to it too. When you feel you cannot be happy with a tremendous change that you did not even want in the first place and which was totally opposite to yout wants, know, it is a big fat lie that your mind is telling you. Being happy is something else. It does not come from fulfilment of any desire. It comes with the acceptance. If you were a soldier and now because of your disablity you are teaching in a small school, you will find happiness in teaching when you will welcome the change with open arms. If you wanted to be an actor, but you couldn’t get a chance to display your talent and you had to run a small “meal on wheels’ types of business, you will be rewaarded with success and happiness. The key is to accept what God has given you.
When God gives us what we wanted we accept it happily and when He gives us what He wants to give, why do we question and reject?
We had a party yesterday. You know, I and my shepherd friend. No need to mention the ‘surprise visit’.
Nowadays, my mind is revolving around some specific human behavior; abuse. This is making me look like I am sick. And no doubt the memories and a lot that is going on right now, has make me sick, Headache is my fellow now. Well, he noticed and through his remarkable knowledge of reading faces (I think, he can read minds), he start telling me his life experiences. He also had abusive people in his life. On the contrary, I always believed that he has had a very peaceful life. He told me a lot about those people and how he lived in between them. Long story short. He told me, “Do not bring them everywhere you go.”
“I have left them.”
“Don’t carry them in your hearts then. Otherwise, you will ruin your present, your future. Lets party!”
Our party is not like others, you know. We eat very strange but delicious food. We talk a lot. Most of the time I am listening.
I am not a good writer, but even if I were Shakespeare I could not write the exact feelings that I experience during our small 2 person conferences.
My shepherd friend is really cool.. witty, I must say. Once I was not in the mood to listen his routine talks about being positive and all. He said, “The chances of a negative event is equal to the chances of something good”.
I asked in return, “Who guarantees a positive outcome of any event?” Oh yes, I was feeling cranky.
“Who guarantees a negative outcome of any event?” He replied, “Don’t worry!” He smiled.
Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and just what not? Ever encountered those toxic people? If not everyone, many of us have such people in their lives. I have written as a guide to those who have such toxics in their families.
Talking about the person who is under burden; the victim. What should a victim do? Plan? Isn’t it the only way out when it comes to abuse? I have seen people planning to save them from such toxics. Researching, talking, taking advices regarding their problem. But what I have understood; excessive planning itself is a symptom of being dangerously abused. We plan each and every step to make us secure. This make us sleepless, restless, and prone to catch allergies and many other physical and psychological diseases. So, what should be done?
There is only one piece of advice that fits in this situation. Plan only once and stick with it.
No doubt, prevention is better than cure and these people are no less than a lethal disease, but there is no use of planning again and again, researching and talking about it each day. Thus, you would be living that abuse even when the abuser would be sleeping in his cozy bed.
So, make a plan and stick with it. Have a blessed life!
We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.
Marty has been waiting for the whole year for this day. Men’s day; the day when after a year men have the chance to rule the world. Today when he was coming back home after the long working hours, he was noticing the fresh glow on every man’s face.
Tonight, according to the tradition he does not have to obey his wife’s command… and by command I mean every command… also those who are wrapped beautifully in the drape of request. He will not have to wake up at night to change the diapers or feed little Bob. Tonight, he will sleep carelessly and his mind will be free of all the worries about cleaning, laundry, dirty dishes, watering the plants and all the work that he does all day long without getting unnoticed and on top of all without getting any appreciation from his wife.
This is women’s world. All women expect men to be some supper human. They do not know the pain of being a man; the heartache that a man feels after giving everything he has to a woman. Its is said that thousand of years ago men ruled the world. Those were golden days. They even say that women had to bear the childbirth pain those days! It is like fairy tale now. Marty doesn’t believe in this. After getting pregnant with Katherine(their second baby) his life was changed. Sarah was no longer interested in him. She likes handsome men and Marty had become fat and dull. He cannot forget all the efforts he put in exercising and dieting to gain the lost beauty back. But, alas! He never got Sarah’s feeling back. He was father of her 3 beautiful children. He was the one who was supposed to get every chore done at home. Their financial condition required him to work and share the expenses of the house. In short, he was lost somewhere between all the duties. He was Sarah’s husband and it was his identity. Mr. Sarah.
Well, today is 8th of March; Men’s Day. He finally can go out and enjoy life for a day with his male friends. He hopes not to see Amanda; the creepy women who looks at him like she would eat him. He has filed a report against her, but sadly… it is a women’s world and they rule. Moreover, Amanda is rich and she could do anything! And he does not want Sarah to doubt his loyalty and faithfulness.
His friends plans to watch a football match arranged by government authorities to celebrate Men’s Day. They go there and take their seats. Everyone was excited. Suddenly, the football rises and starts coming towards him and in a glimpse hit him…
It is 8th of March, 2014; Women’s Day on earth. The clock has struck 12. Sarah is sleeping beside Marty. He knows she was hiding her tears after they fought a few hours ago. He takes out his notepad and start making the list of the things to throw a surprise party for Sarah on Women’s Day. He also promises himself to apologize; to make up for every time when he misbehaves and act selfish towards Sarah, the lady who is his right hand, the mother of his beautiful children, the home maker, the Queen of this house and his heart.
My shepherd friend visited me today and it was a surprise, again! He always surprises me, but sometimes his surprise visits are extraordinary. He ‘caught me in the act’, according to his terminology.
“Why the long face?” his voice was enough to make me jump. I was sitting beside my chicken coop, head tilted and vision set on a grass leaf, right on the shady side of the leaf. The sun was rising and the golden sunshine was making the grass glow. I was not present there mentally. I was looking at the shady side of the leaf apparently, but my mind was being dragged into the ‘black hole’. Again, ‘black hole’ is his term he use to describe negativity.
Well, he really have ‘caught me in the act’. I was thinking about my deceased grand mother. I actually was not lucky enough to see my parents. My father died before my birth. My mother could not bear the loss and died right after I took my first breathe. I never really feel any heartache because of this. I had my grandma to look after me and she was a wonderful lady.
“You kinda scared me!” I said
He laughed. “It is called surprise, my dear friend. What happened to you?”
“Nothing. You mean No-good-thing?”
“I am missing my grandma. Sometimes I miss her so much. Why did God chose me to bear such losses. All I have was my grandma in the name of family.
“Well, I must say, you are again disturbing yourself and worrying about God business. He send your grandma to this world years before you. She spent her life here and left after the decided time.”
“I know. Where is your herd?” I changed the topic.
“Nearby. Want some delicious food? Didn’t you make coffee today?”
“Yes. I did.”
He opened his bag and took out strange but surprisingly delicious snacks.
“How do you make these?”
“Chef’s secret.” he winked.
“I wish I were like you.”
“You mean old?” he laughed.
“So, you think I am old.” he laughed again.
“What is this?” I pointed to something he had wrapped in cloth. “Looks like a box.”
“Yes, it is box of wonders. And it is the answer to the question you always ask, ‘ Why are you so carefree?’ he unwrapped the box. It was made of wood and to be honest I have never seen such a beautiful design made on wood before. He opened it. There was a book wrapped in a beautiful colorful velvet cloth.
He opened the book. It was the Holy Book.
“It is the answer to my question that why you don’t take stress? I have read it before.”
“That’s my point, friend. You have read it and I believe in it.”
It is morning. People are jogging, doing fitness exercises etc. in a public park. An old man and a women is standing near the entrance of the park. The women looks like she is in her mid 30’s, dressed in a long pink dress. The old man is in his track suit, he is about 70, but looks active.
“You do not come nowadays?” The old man asked.
“Yes, I am bored of this jogging and running etc.” the women replied.
“You get bored because you don’t know how to run.”
The women looks startled for a moment, but the emotion does not go unnoticed.
“You come here daily, I know. We never talked though… Actually I am taking rest. Its kinds time out”, she smiles. “I am in middle of something”.
“You are taking time out of life?” The old man asked.
“You are bored of life?” The old man raised his eyebrows in astonishment.
She keeps silence.
“Do you know why we get bored or tired of life? It is because we do not know how to live. I do not know what you are going through, my child. But I do know one thing. We all at a point in time come to a phase when we get tired of life. We stop. We stop doing and start waiting; waiting for the good time to come. We forget one thing. Good time doesn’t come by itself. It is we, ourselves that make the time good. Do you know nothing in this world is truly smooth? If it were, we would not be able to see that. The beauty of life lies in contrast of colors, friction, ups and downs, light and dark, black and white.” The old man voice seems to coming out directly from his soul.
“I respect you and your words are making me feel good, but as soon as we will take our paths, I will be overcome by the same situation that I am going through. This shall pass.”
The old man smiles,” You are going through a tough time. But as you said, “This shall pass.” The old man check his show lases and start to jog.
“I will see you tomorrow on the jogging track!” He leaves and wave good-bye.
The women was standing there. Speechless. Watching the old man go and meeting some park-fellow, laughing and running.
A couple passes by.
“There is Mr.James!”, the man pointed towards the old man, “who can say he is suffering from cancer! What a lively man!”
* Did you know bubble gum does not remain in your body when swallowed. Your body digest it.
* All the humans do not have to drink 8 glasses of water. We all have different requirements.
* You cannot see the Great Wall of China from the moon.
* Your ancestors were not monkeys!
* Cracking your knuckles DOES NOT give you arthritis.
* Duck’s quack does echo.
* Your gold fish is not that silly. It has a pretty good memory.
* Aladdin’s magic carpet did not exist. There were no seven dwarfs. There was no fairy, no shoe got missing, no pumpkin was ever so lucky to become a carriage and rats were never horses!
“NO! THERE WAS NO MERMAID WHO GOT LEGS AND MARRY A PRINCE!”
“NO! No one can have magic hair that glows when they sing!” (pardon me, I have kids here who interrupt sometimes)
These were a few popular myths and most of us believe some of them. But the truth is they are not facts. Now I am going to bust the most popular myth that is probably has become a popular belief. Romantic love.
‘Invented’ by French Troubadours some 800 years back through their poetry, plays and songs, Romantic Love Syndrome bring with it some more myths. To make your life easy believe the following and prevent heartache that brings anxiety, depression, grief and sorrow.
*There is nothing like ‘happily ever after”.
* Love does not last forever.
* Love cannot change your spouse/partner.
* Love cannot conquer all.
All the above look very tempting, but in fairy tales.
Caution: The baseless belief is lethal. You may end up doing drugs, smoking or drinking habits that could cause cancers.