I wish they could see when their demons take control over them.
Their eyes lose the light and a grave invisible darkness took place of it. Horrible. Horrible!
Dead eyes sucking up all the light around. Darkening and darkening. Horrible grave darkness!
Their skin suddenly become dead leather. I wish they could see their own reflections in the victim’s face.
I wish they could see how they victimize themselves. When their demons become tired of eating others’ they start swallowling their own soul. They become a black hole which gulpse down everything and then its own self. In the end nothing left.
Only a body, walking dead. Lonliness. A terror. A space that echoes back their own voices.
Sigh! The pang that memories bring with them! How damaged some hearts could be! Who tries to read the painful messages hidden in eyes? People laugh with you, people laugh on you. You are blessed if there is someone who cries for you or with you. Never let someone cry because of you.
So it is what it is! Losing a loving parent when the other is abusive brings a turmoil. You live everyday running from yourself and trying to escape reality. No help arrives. No healing magic occurs. You just do not want to think about healing and move on with life apparently. Then a day comes when all is shattered again. The string around your neck pulls you back and you cannot run now. This is the time when you need to shed tears. You feel helpless. This is the time when you meet yourself.
For me, this is the time… I am sitting here in this small room cluttered with everything that can be here. And this is the time. Tears are filling up in my eyes, making the screen look blurred. I am feeling like something is stuck in my throat. My eyes are burning. My breathe is… Well, when I woke up the dream somehow made its way to the reality. I met my beloved mother. I know she is free now and doing what a free soul would do after escaping the prison of life.
Dreams are metaphors, maybe. When they repeat your past, you experience everything again. That is why I am tired. My soul is falling down the spiral again and I am waiting for a light to shine so that I can find the way back up. It is the time when I wait for the shepherd. I know, he will arrive. When? I don’t know. But he arrives when I least expect him. Maybe, he is on his way.
I wish everyone who is going through bad times or some kind of stress disorders to be healed. May God heal us. Amen. I may not supposed to be posting a prayer that appears so simple, here. But I did this. I do not want anyone to feel what I am feeling right now. It is a reminder for those who see this post. Please, pray for all the struggling souls. That’s how you can contribute to bring the blessings to earth. Thank you.
We had a party yesterday. You know, I and my shepherd friend. No need to mention the ‘surprise visit’.
Nowadays, my mind is revolving around some specific human behavior; abuse. This is making me look like I am sick. And no doubt the memories and a lot that is going on right now, has make me sick, Headache is my fellow now. Well, he noticed and through his remarkable knowledge of reading faces (I think, he can read minds), he start telling me his life experiences. He also had abusive people in his life. On the contrary, I always believed that he has had a very peaceful life. He told me a lot about those people and how he lived in between them. Long story short. He told me, “Do not bring them everywhere you go.”
“I have left them.”
“Don’t carry them in your hearts then. Otherwise, you will ruin your present, your future. Lets party!”
Our party is not like others, you know. We eat very strange but delicious food. We talk a lot. Most of the time I am listening.
I am not a good writer, but even if I were Shakespeare I could not write the exact feelings that I experience during our small 2 person conferences.
Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and just what not? Ever encountered those toxic people? If not everyone, many of us have such people in their lives. I have written as a guide to those who have such toxics in their families.
Talking about the person who is under burden; the victim. What should a victim do? Plan? Isn’t it the only way out when it comes to abuse? I have seen people planning to save them from such toxics. Researching, talking, taking advices regarding their problem. But what I have understood; excessive planning itself is a symptom of being dangerously abused. We plan each and every step to make us secure. This make us sleepless, restless, and prone to catch allergies and many other physical and psychological diseases. So, what should be done?
There is only one piece of advice that fits in this situation. Plan only once and stick with it.
No doubt, prevention is better than cure and these people are no less than a lethal disease, but there is no use of planning again and again, researching and talking about it each day. Thus, you would be living that abuse even when the abuser would be sleeping in his cozy bed.
So, make a plan and stick with it. Have a blessed life!