I tried, I tried to encapsulate my soul. To put it all in a chest and burry somewhere far..far away where any eye could not reach it. But it rose again in my heart as it was buried there not anywhere else. It was I who was running away from my own self.
What the hell I was thinking when I gave myself away to the tornadoes? Why did I not take my own responsibility? Why I jumped off the cliff?
But now, when the wild wind has thrown me on the stony mountains, my head has struck to a rock and I am bleeding. I have become fierce. I am ready to kick the world’s ass! And as I am already out. I am free.
I found this note somewhere. It is a whole story in itself. Sometimes we just come across situations that are not planned. They are unfamiliar to the extend that the laws of the nature appear to be fading and losing their meanings. Billions of people have zillions of different life stories and each one of them is so complicated that they amaze the mind and seize the tongue.
It is amazing how people survive in the circumstances that are tough. How the external factors mold life is amazing and sometimes painful. No one tell us where to go when there is nowhere to go. When all else fail what can work?
The time when your own voice collides your brain and comes back, is one of the most painful times in life. When everyone has left you and you cannot even talk to yourself because you are too afraid to address the issue.
The time is shrinking its boundaries and I am losing my control over things. Am I am going to experience the “rare” again?
I am afraid of being afraid because life always wants me to be fearless and for this purpose it always make me face my fears.
I am glad to share my personal experience with all my existing and potential readers. I have been writing for a few years but never thought of building a blog. I used to write what some clients wants me to write about (freelance writer, I was) in exchange of a few bucks only. As a result, I ended up having a few dollars and lot of ideas bottled up. Suppressing the ideas forced them to lost somewhere in the lanes of my mind. Some were so powerful that they came out as novels, but thanks to my personal circumstances I have three unfinished novels now.
Well, one day I decided to build a blog. I did. The ‘About’ page I had that time was so lame that even I never looked back after typing that. After a few days I came up with these few lines (https://baadseher.wordpress.com/about/) and I was happy. ” If you are looking for some motivation, some humor, some touching stories, or anything to lift your spirits up or make you think deeply for a while, you are at the right place on web.
This is coming from an ordinary mind, but you may sometimes find it extra-ordinary. “
And now after few months I was able to write “About Author” https://baadseher.wordpress.com/about-author “A soul with broken wings falling from the sky, slipping down a spiral, struggling to rise and searching for light.
It has only one desire; to elevate from the darkness and go into the lights. It is holding tight on the desire and climbing up with its shoots.
Thunder bolts make the soul fall again and again, but the light they bring makes it easy to see. The soul share this light and help other souls to come up.
A buried faith is coming to life; soon the soul will enter into the lights and share the rays to those struggling down the spiral. “
For someone who are very good at writing this could seem something ordinary. But, I am sure there are many like me, who are struggling between different phases of life. Only those can relate and feel what I mean to say.
What a nice morning! Blue shiny sky and bright buildings (wait, were you thinking about green fields with cows’ droppings on the walking tracks? It was 500 years ago maybe). Well, it is very beautiful stat but soon it will transform into a hell afternoon later when the sun will stare down and burn our…’whole body’. The glare will make us like burnt toasts and the companies’ CEOs who claim to make our complexions fair will rejoice sitting in their air-conditioned rooms. I am not happy with such products advertisements. They make dark people feel like cockroaches crawling in a toilet seat or more worse, to be forced to walk on a ramp in front of the world cross-dressed.
This side of the globe loves to have Snowwhite’s skin (Men…I think they don’t want baby-soft skin, but white. I bet!) that side… I am not sure.. maybe they love our skin tone that is why the whole idea of ‘sun-bath’ developed. ( I would like to ask the Sun to take a bath first and then come here. Maybe, he will feel a but less hot).
Tanned, dark, fair, white; skin color does not define beauty. Beauty is something else. Beauty is the innocence in eyes; beauty is the courage to accept who we are. It is the peace of mind and heart. It is the faith and believe. It is feeling confident. It is being brave. It is feeling loved, secured, worthy and accepted (what a beautiful idea I read today, on Sue C’s Blog. http://suespen2paper.com/2014/03/30/l-a-w-s-its-free Thank you Sue. C).
When you are happy, you smile from the heart, your eyes sparkle. Now, this is the beauty. I would say, don’t try to make your skin white or dark or purple (just kidding). You are beautiful (hey! and you are handsome under the loads of fats. We will come to you in another post someday, until then try to be healthy.)
Be thankful. Be happy and this will reflect from your body as true beauty.
We had a party yesterday. You know, I and my shepherd friend. No need to mention the ‘surprise visit’.
Nowadays, my mind is revolving around some specific human behavior; abuse. This is making me look like I am sick. And no doubt the memories and a lot that is going on right now, has make me sick, Headache is my fellow now. Well, he noticed and through his remarkable knowledge of reading faces (I think, he can read minds), he start telling me his life experiences. He also had abusive people in his life. On the contrary, I always believed that he has had a very peaceful life. He told me a lot about those people and how he lived in between them. Long story short. He told me, “Do not bring them everywhere you go.”
“I have left them.”
“Don’t carry them in your hearts then. Otherwise, you will ruin your present, your future. Lets party!”
Our party is not like others, you know. We eat very strange but delicious food. We talk a lot. Most of the time I am listening.
I am not a good writer, but even if I were Shakespeare I could not write the exact feelings that I experience during our small 2 person conferences.
This morning is not like it is always in the village. The clouds of sand and dust all over are blocking the sunshine to touch the village. The noise of the enemy soldiers, sounds of horses gallops and elephants roars are tearing the eardrums. All the common villagers are hiding in their houses. Anything can happen today.
Village soldiers are ready. Ready to fight back in defense.
Mark takes out his sword from the scabbard.. He was not sure of victory, not afraid of defeat, but he was open to the battlefield.
Everyone says that he has a magical sword that just attack at the right time on the right target, but it is not true. He smiles when he listen such rumors. The magic is not in his sword. It is in his mind, his openness to the experiences of war and the gratitude through which he accepts the victory and defeat. His faith is his power, the magic of his sword.
The fight has began, lets see what it brings at the end of today.
Silence…. Yes, that is what I need to write, to focus. But wait, this not the kind of silence I need to write. It is like the silence before something disastrous has happened. It could also be the silence after Hypoc and its group have a party here in the village. They eat souls, consciences. Look at these people out there. They are not even aware of what has been done to them. I am sad. My voice is not reaching them. Or they do no want to listen.
One day, I may be not here in this village. I will leave this village or maybe this world. These people have to wake up! They have to fight for themselves and their families. God! Help them.
Hypoc monster is again in the village. Birds, birds are gone dear! No one likes to face this monster. Not even Atish.So, on hearing the roar she springs out of the bed, makes breakfast and here is she on her laptop writing her masterpiece. No one knows what this masterpiece is all about! Well, she doesn’t even fully know it. It comes to her from outer space. maybe.
What other people are doing in the vilage? Nothing new. Nothing exciting. People are going to their work as usual. House wives are at their 24/7 jobs like everyday. Some unemployed have not still accept failure so they are out on the job hunt. Some are not going to find the job until they start seeing their failure as a defeat on single battle. They have to fight many of such battles in their lives. Silly people! But it takes time to learn this. Children are going to school. In short, what this Hypoc doing in their village they do not really care. And that is what the power of this monster is. Lack of knowledge about the monster and carelessness. He is eating up their souls. Enjoying the main course, Conscience with Lie-salt and Anger-peppper. Yum yum! With the side dish of stir fried Greed.
Atish… She is scared. Scared about the village and off course about her future. Time will decide. Here, no Shah is ever going to help her. She is the one who will have to take any step.
Why is it too difficult for her to sleep at night. Why is she afraid? And of whom? Why this child is still alive in Atish. Just why? It was a very long time ago when Shah came here to meet her. Only he knows that Atish can be afraid. For everyone else, she can be anything but someone who can feel fear.
Shah knows that she is afraid of dark nights, but he does not know why she never complain of fear when he is around. But when apart he is used to get her messages like, ‘I am scared tonight.’
She is strange sometimes the child inside her is too brave to face the flood, but sometimes even a cry of kitten can make her sweat in fear.