faith

At the end.


Sometimes we must take risks just to check how much we can fall. Surely, our anticipation through this check can go very wrong and it may turn out to be the most foolish act. Or just like calling a catastrophe before its time. But we should check. Ignorance is surely bliss but it is ignorance and ignorance it is.
Why not jump off the cliff just to check the depths we can fall into? wow! It is crazy. But how about going crazy sometimes or at least once in a lifetime.
How about loving the bad just to feel secure about the permanence of it. Why not hate good just because it can be temporary and it sure happens to be temporary. To feel the emptiness that treachery brings with it or just to feel the absence of love. You fall, you make mistakes, everyone does. Every heart bleeds.
Everyone searches for a shelter; a permanent shelter. God’s? Yes, only this shelter is permanent. But why do we need other humans? Because we can never be less human. Only a few chosen ones can be carefree when it comes to this love that we all are aware of. We, others, we can only enter into the shelter when life meets death; at the end.

The Training


You all know my Shepherd friend. It is his day again. He did not come today, but contacted me. He sent me a message and he is calling me. I have to wait, though, for the right time. Meanwhile, I have only one thing to do. Pray; pray for the time to come. And I am sure my Shepherd will visit me someday and surprise me again. How he loves to surprise others! I sometimes wants to ask him, why! Why you do not come when I need you the most? But when he visits I forget to ask such things, I forget to complain. And when he comes he never ask questions. He never ask why I did not call or where were I etc. He embrace me with the same love and care. We talk. We laugh. And things become so much clear. But the time when I am waiting; it is tough, friends, very tough. And to be honest, it is one of the biggest course in training. What training? Let me tell you this. He told me about this training, one day.
The story starts time immemorial. When we were with Him. We were so cool! Believe me on this! We had a great connection with God and everything was just perfect. One day God made a plan to introduce us with some change and see who becomes righteous again. ( He already knew who amongst us would fail and who would come back to him, but He is God so we cannot ask him any ‘Whys’). Well, when we come down the spiral (you know what I mean) we become impatient, selfish, arrogant and material-lover. This behavior brought with it pain and suffering, and we assuming ourselves ‘smartypants’ we start searching for peace and fun in shopping, expensive gadgets, cars, luxurious houses, and other people. There is no need to share how this ‘remarkable plan’ turned out. Clearly, God has his own plans and his own timings. So, if we think, we will see a pattern here. A pattern of harship and ease, problems and solutions. So you see, it is actually a training program; the training we need to re-gain our connection with God. . It has uncountable courses and it is always customized for each and every individual because we are different and have different lives. That is why, practically, we cannot compile it into a single prospectus/brochure.
Waiting is the part of this training. It teaches us patience. We cry at nights and during the days, we hide our confusions and disappoinrments behinde fake smiles. Some of us don’t bother pretending to be happy, though. But, accept it with a smile or a frown; we all have to wait in our lives at some point. The wait is integral part of the spiritual grooming. It teaches you patience and patience is important. God does not want us to be reckless. He wants us to be rational and calm. It is tough for us, though. One time you gather all your courage and the other time it shattered like glass hit with stones. For this purpose ‘trials’ were made. Trials wash our souls. They are neccesay in this world. This is how it works. If there were no trials, no turmoils, nothing hurtful then what would be the difference in Paradise and this world. During the tough training time when a soul in being washed with the detergent of trials and trumoils, its world spin so fast that nothing looks clear. This is the time when he turns the ‘washing machine’ off as the soul become clear and ultimately everything around. The ease come and we come out of the washing machine clean and shiny. *teeth sparkle*

When Words Fail: Painting 3


A time when light is overcoming the dark. Don’t know what these colors mean to an arts person, but to me these are depicting the ‘light wins’ phenomenon. dark and light

Village News: So It Is What It Is!


So it is what it is! Losing a loving parent when the other is abusive brings a turmoil. You live everyday running from yourself and trying to escape reality. No help arrives. No healing magic occurs. You just do not want to think about healing and move on with life apparently. Then a day comes when all is shattered again. The string around your neck pulls you back and you cannot run now. This is the time when you need to shed tears. You feel helpless. This is the time when you meet yourself.
For me, this is the time… I am sitting here in this small room cluttered with everything that can be here. And this is the time. Tears are filling up in my eyes, making the screen look blurred. I am feeling like something is stuck in my throat. My eyes are burning. My breathe is… Well, when I woke up the dream somehow made its way to the reality. I met my beloved mother. I know she is free now and doing what a free soul would do after escaping the prison of life.
Dreams are metaphors, maybe. When they repeat your past, you experience everything again. That is why I am tired. My soul is falling down the spiral again and I am waiting for a light to shine so that I can find the way back up. It is the time when I wait for the shepherd. I know, he will arrive. When? I don’t know. But he arrives when I least expect him. Maybe, he is on his way.

I wish everyone who is going through bad times or some kind of stress disorders to be healed. May God heal us. Amen. I may not supposed to be posting a prayer that appears so simple, here. But I did this. I do not want anyone to feel what I am feeling right now. It is a reminder for those who see this post. Please, pray for all the struggling souls. That’s how you can contribute to bring the blessings to earth. Thank you.

The Relationship; Part One


It may not be a perfect start for a blog post; because ultimately we all want audience. Many of the times I do care, but sometimes I do not care about what people think and who would read my writings. Well, I woke up yesterday but couldn’t find the time to write anything. I was feeling like I had not been writing for many days. It was just a few minutes ago that I checked my last post date. I wrote my last post on 3rd April and today is 8th; only 4 days in between. But for me it was a long time. Why I did not write? I did not have anything to write.
But, yesterday, something strange happened. Have you ever experience ‘wandering’? Strolling with nothing on your mind; just walking and observing surroundings. And I am not talking about rambling with your dog on walkways surrounded by green fields. I am talking about going to small roadside bazars, watching people arguing when bargaining over a few pennies. There, shopping choices are apparently many but possibilities are limited. I am talking about a walk on small lanes and along unfinished road tracks, dusty and muddy.
I went on such a walk yesterday. Alone. Not with my friend this time. So, you may anticipate what a women walking alone in such areas could experience; scorching hungry dirty gazes, evil grins. But it was not the center of my attention. I just kept moving ahead. I was feeling something else; a connection that was binding me with all the surroundings. The energy that was so engaging that I did not had even a millionth of a moment to pay attention to all the negativity. I was alone, but I was feeling the traces of the shepherd’s personality even here! Everywhere! In such a place that was just opposite to the mere glimpse of him. I remember him once saying, ” Want to experience the purity? Look into a dirty pool where that flower blooms.”
A maybe 12 year old buying cheap dresses with her mother and father. I felt the innocence in her eyes that sparkled when the shopkeeper showed her something colorful.
I literally took a deep breath when there was dust everywhere and an uncovered sewerage line. Gross? Yeah, call me crazy. I wanted to feel the connection more deeply. There were houses there. People live there. They breathe. There were plants, grass and flowers along that dirty water way. Those remind me of the shepherd. The eyes of toddlers, their smiles, their cute moves, everything symbolized his speech. I noticed a wall with very beautiful hand painted pictures. There was some artist nearby.
An old man was selling fruit in front of a huge shopping mall keeping an eye on a 5,6 year old kid who probably was his grandson. The kid was sitting on the stairs of the mall writing in his small copy without noticing other kids of his age in the mall enjoying, buying expensive fun stuff and new clothes with their parents. The kid was seemed contented with his cheap looking but clean dress….
(to be cont.)

Real Life Example Of How Writing Helps


I am glad to share my personal experience with all my existing and potential readers. I have been writing for a few years but never thought of building a blog. I used to write what some clients wants me to write about (freelance writer, I was) in exchange of a few bucks only. As a result, I ended up having a few dollars and lot of ideas bottled up. Suppressing the ideas forced them to lost somewhere in the lanes of my mind. Some were so powerful that they came out as novels, but thanks to my personal circumstances I have three unfinished novels now.
Well, one day I decided to build a blog. I did. The ‘About’ page I had that time was so lame that even I never looked back after typing that. After a few days I came up with these few lines (https://baadseher.wordpress.com/about/) and I was happy.
” If you are looking for some motivation, some humor, some touching stories, or anything to lift your spirits up or make you think deeply for a while, you are at the right place on web.

This is coming from an ordinary mind, but you may sometimes find it extra-ordinary. “

And now after few months I was able to write “About Author” https://baadseher.wordpress.com/about-author
“A soul with broken wings falling from the sky, slipping down a spiral, struggling to rise and searching for light.
It has only one desire; to elevate from the darkness and go into the lights. It is holding tight on the desire and climbing up with its shoots.
Thunder bolts make the soul fall again and again, but the light they bring makes it easy to see. The soul share this light and help other souls to come up.
A buried faith is coming to life; soon the soul will enter into the lights and share the rays to those struggling down the spiral. “

For someone who are very good at writing this could seem something ordinary. But, I am sure there are many like me, who are struggling between different phases of life. Only those can relate and feel what I mean to say.

Beauty is something else.


What a nice morning! Blue shiny sky and bright buildings (wait, were you thinking about green fields with cows’ droppings on the walking tracks? It was 500 years ago maybe). Well, it is very beautiful stat but soon it will transform into a hell afternoon later when the sun will stare down and burn our…’whole body’. The glare will make us like burnt toasts and the companies’ CEOs who claim to make our complexions fair will rejoice sitting in their air-conditioned rooms. I am not happy with such products advertisements. They make dark people feel like cockroaches crawling in a toilet seat or more worse, to be forced to walk on a ramp in front of the world cross-dressed.
This side of the globe loves to have Snowwhite’s skin (Men…I think they don’t want baby-soft skin, but white. I bet!) that side… I am not sure.. maybe they love our skin tone that is why the whole idea of ‘sun-bath’ developed. ( I would like to ask the Sun to take a bath first and then come here. Maybe, he will feel a but less hot).
Tanned, dark, fair, white; skin color does not define beauty. Beauty is something else. Beauty is the innocence in eyes; beauty is the courage to accept who we are. It is the peace of mind and heart. It is the faith and believe. It is feeling confident. It is being brave. It is feeling loved, secured, worthy and accepted (what a beautiful idea I read today, on Sue C’s Blog. http://suespen2paper.com/2014/03/30/l-a-w-s-its-free Thank you Sue. C).
When you are happy, you smile from the heart, your eyes sparkle. Now, this is the beauty. I would say, don’t try to make your skin white or dark or purple (just kidding). You are beautiful (hey! and you are handsome under the loads of fats. We will come to you in another post someday, until then try to be healthy.)
Be thankful. Be happy and this will reflect from your body as true beauty.

Village News: How to Thank God?


So, I was here on WordPress and typing my “intellectual posts” and in my mind I had become a widely known writer after typing a few lines. Suddenly, he came. Yes, yes, my shepherd friend.
I had typed this so far.
Have you ever wonder we ask a lot and don’t thank that much? We cannot go a few minutes without God’s blessing (think about oxygen in the air).
He added, “We are designed to depend on Him.”
“You!”, I was astonished. “Where you come from all of a sudden?” My eyes could easily break that lady’s eye popping world record.
“I was passing by and saw you writing.” he replied.
“Okay. Well, now I should ask you how we can thank God. I understand what you said; we are designed to depend on Him.”
“It is simple.”
Yes, for you. How can he be always right? I thought.
He smiled and I could not look into his eyes. He was a mind reader. I had forgot.
“Say ‘Thank you, God’, he continued, ” and feel the thankfulness and his love.”
“I want to do more.” I said
“Well, you cannot pay thanks equal to his favors for you. He is your creator.”
“I know. But I want to thank Him and be one in those who he considered Thankful.” I was serious.
“Okay then I have an advice for you. Thank him whenever you feel that you should be thankful. Just say, ‘Thank you God’ with all your heart. And help others. You don’t know how much He loves you and His other creatures. If you will help His creatures He will be very happy with you. He loves you thousands times more than your mother. And you know how a women feels when someone helps her child.”

Village News: The Mind Reader


We had a party yesterday. You know, I and my shepherd friend. No need to mention the ‘surprise visit’.
Nowadays, my mind is revolving around some specific human behavior; abuse. This is making me look like I am sick. And no doubt the memories and a lot that is going on right now, has make me sick, Headache is my fellow now. Well, he noticed and through his remarkable knowledge of reading faces (I think, he can read minds), he start telling me his life experiences. He also had abusive people in his life. On the contrary, I always believed that he has had a very peaceful life. He told me a lot about those people and how he lived in between them. Long story short. He told me, “Do not bring them everywhere you go.”
“I have left them.”
“Don’t carry them in your hearts then. Otherwise, you will ruin your present, your future. Lets party!”
Our party is not like others, you know. We eat very strange but delicious food. We talk a lot. Most of the time I am listening.
I am not a good writer, but even if I were Shakespeare I could not write the exact feelings that I experience during our small 2 person conferences.

Village News: Positive-Negative; 50-50 chances


My shepherd friend is really cool.. witty, I must say. Once I was not in the mood to listen his routine talks about being positive and all. He said, “The chances of a negative event is equal to the chances of something good”.
I asked in return, “Who guarantees a positive outcome of any event?” Oh yes, I was feeling cranky.
“Who guarantees a negative outcome of any event?” He replied, “Don’t worry!” He smiled.