The cool thing about blogging is it has no boundaries set. You are free to write whatever you want and people read it! Well, coming to the point; have you ever felt like a celebrity? Have you ever experience those days or months when suddenly you become the center of merry-go-round and people keep coming back with the same nosy questions? Being center of attention is probably not the chase when it comes to your personal matters.
I read a very cool strategy about handling such situations where you become the pry of your nosy relatives or neighbors. Just give it a try the next time when you face such irritating situation. Say,
“It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels.”
When you are asked, “When are you planning to have a baby?”
Reply, ” It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels.”
When someone ask about yours or yours husband’s salary, simply say, “It is the policy ….”
Question: When are you buying a house?
Answer: “It is the policy….”
Repeat the same answer even if they twist the question. Have fun! Warnings:
*Keep your tone polite and fun.
*Never be rude or irritated otherwise you will give them a gossip about your outburst and you will never leave the “spotlight” for many days to come.
I woke up this morning and there was a disturbing thought already waiting for me to wake up. Out of coffee, tea I ate scrambled eggs and bread and opened WP. The thought was still here, scratching my brain and trying to make it bleed. I am now thinking about the people who cause such negativity; who left behind them the traces of their harshness; who whenever meet you make you feel run away. What is wrong with such people? I tried to think like they did and made a ‘evil plan’ once. Believe me, I couldn’t bring the plan into reality as only the thought of hurting someone so badly made me feel the exact pain that I felt for myself.
So, what do these people think all day long? I am trying to anticipate here, the answer to this question.
I woke and think about coffee, first. They think about…coffee. Yes, I think the people whose first thought is something else other than coffee or tea doesn’t know if such a beverage exists.
When I start reading and writing they go to their offices or do the home chores. Then we 9I and the enemies too) start worrying about lunch. I eat lunch and sometimes I skip it and they probably eat their lunches. After lunch=time I go back to my reading writing and they go back to their works.
At tea time I have a chat with my younger siblings. Then start making dinner for my foodie siblings. I experiment with new recipes. At night, after praying I struggle to sleep, read and pray for the pain to go away.
Maybe when I think about them and mourn over my heart wounds, they plan to give me more wounds! Phew! After praying and reading I go to my ‘irregular- sleep’ and they go on planning all night long. Poor fellas They cannot even sleep properly, like me.
One think more, when in the morning I try my best to copy Starbucks coffee style. They go on plotting evil for me. It is a tough business to make someone’s life hell, I bet! You cannot even drink your coffee in peace.
May God protect me and others from evil and help evil people to leave the Satan’s path. Amen
Getting directly to the point. Here you are going to find those untold precious advices that can transform your married life from a ‘I-made-a-mistake’ song to a sweet love note!!! Tada!
Well, that was exaggeration. To tell you the truth, if you act upon the following three advices you will lower the chances of divorce in your relationship. Divorce rate in many (I think all the) countries, is sadly, getting higher and higher. The reason is (maybe) the increasing materialistic approach to get happiness and contentment in life. If it is not the only reason. It surely is one of the reasons.
Well, here on this blog our (why do I write our? Traces of a former lecturer style are still in my mind, maybe.) aim is to make life easier and happier. So, following are the three gems;
1. Wife should be thin as compared to husband. Now, I am not saying that you should starve you to death, but you should be leaner than your husband. Healthy diet and exercise will do the trick. Conversely, always cook what your husband loves to eat. Bake pies, cakes, use full cream milk, cook oily foods, fry everything. in short, make him fat. 😀
2. Never ever watch a romantic movie together or alone. When I say never, I really mean it. We subconsciously compare our lives to the unreal lives of the actors. Romantic movies just make you feel ‘there is something wrong in our relationship’. (Instead watch a serial killer movie, you will feel great, just kidding.)
3. Do not spend too much time on social networking websites. This habit make you distant from your real surroundings. You wife or husband will feel alone in your presence. This is a real alarming sign.
I am a newly wed so I am not sure about these. So try this at your own risk.
What is so special about it? Well, it is a special designation in a family. Only the middle ones knows that with great power comes great responsibility. Hello!!!! Did you say “Power?”
Yes, you elder-or-younger sibling!
Coming back to our topic. Following are the characteristics of a middle sibling.
a. They are smarter than other siblings.
b. They are better students at school.
c. More responsible.
d. More sensitive.
e. Extremist when it comes to personality traits.
Caution: If mishandled, they can be such a brat that no one can even imagine.
The most important trait is their tendency of being the black sheep of the family.
We had a party yesterday. You know, I and my shepherd friend. No need to mention the ‘surprise visit’.
Nowadays, my mind is revolving around some specific human behavior; abuse. This is making me look like I am sick. And no doubt the memories and a lot that is going on right now, has make me sick, Headache is my fellow now. Well, he noticed and through his remarkable knowledge of reading faces (I think, he can read minds), he start telling me his life experiences. He also had abusive people in his life. On the contrary, I always believed that he has had a very peaceful life. He told me a lot about those people and how he lived in between them. Long story short. He told me, “Do not bring them everywhere you go.”
“I have left them.”
“Don’t carry them in your hearts then. Otherwise, you will ruin your present, your future. Lets party!”
Our party is not like others, you know. We eat very strange but delicious food. We talk a lot. Most of the time I am listening.
I am not a good writer, but even if I were Shakespeare I could not write the exact feelings that I experience during our small 2 person conferences.
Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and just what not? Ever encountered those toxic people? If not everyone, many of us have such people in their lives. I have written as a guide to those who have such toxics in their families.
Talking about the person who is under burden; the victim. What should a victim do? Plan? Isn’t it the only way out when it comes to abuse? I have seen people planning to save them from such toxics. Researching, talking, taking advices regarding their problem. But what I have understood; excessive planning itself is a symptom of being dangerously abused. We plan each and every step to make us secure. This make us sleepless, restless, and prone to catch allergies and many other physical and psychological diseases. So, what should be done?
There is only one piece of advice that fits in this situation. Plan only once and stick with it.
No doubt, prevention is better than cure and these people are no less than a lethal disease, but there is no use of planning again and again, researching and talking about it each day. Thus, you would be living that abuse even when the abuser would be sleeping in his cozy bed.
So, make a plan and stick with it. Have a blessed life!
We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.
My shepherd friend visited me today and it was a surprise, again! He always surprises me, but sometimes his surprise visits are extraordinary. He ‘caught me in the act’, according to his terminology.
“Why the long face?” his voice was enough to make me jump. I was sitting beside my chicken coop, head tilted and vision set on a grass leaf, right on the shady side of the leaf. The sun was rising and the golden sunshine was making the grass glow. I was not present there mentally. I was looking at the shady side of the leaf apparently, but my mind was being dragged into the ‘black hole’. Again, ‘black hole’ is his term he use to describe negativity.
Well, he really have ‘caught me in the act’. I was thinking about my deceased grand mother. I actually was not lucky enough to see my parents. My father died before my birth. My mother could not bear the loss and died right after I took my first breathe. I never really feel any heartache because of this. I had my grandma to look after me and she was a wonderful lady.
“You kinda scared me!” I said
He laughed. “It is called surprise, my dear friend. What happened to you?”
“Nothing. You mean No-good-thing?”
“I am missing my grandma. Sometimes I miss her so much. Why did God chose me to bear such losses. All I have was my grandma in the name of family.
“Well, I must say, you are again disturbing yourself and worrying about God business. He send your grandma to this world years before you. She spent her life here and left after the decided time.”
“I know. Where is your herd?” I changed the topic.
“Nearby. Want some delicious food? Didn’t you make coffee today?”
“Yes. I did.”
He opened his bag and took out strange but surprisingly delicious snacks.
“How do you make these?”
“Chef’s secret.” he winked.
“I wish I were like you.”
“You mean old?” he laughed.
“So, you think I am old.” he laughed again.
“What is this?” I pointed to something he had wrapped in cloth. “Looks like a box.”
“Yes, it is box of wonders. And it is the answer to the question you always ask, ‘ Why are you so carefree?’ he unwrapped the box. It was made of wood and to be honest I have never seen such a beautiful design made on wood before. He opened it. There was a book wrapped in a beautiful colorful velvet cloth.
He opened the book. It was the Holy Book.
“It is the answer to my question that why you don’t take stress? I have read it before.”
“That’s my point, friend. You have read it and I believe in it.”
* Did you know bubble gum does not remain in your body when swallowed. Your body digest it.
* All the humans do not have to drink 8 glasses of water. We all have different requirements.
* You cannot see the Great Wall of China from the moon.
* Your ancestors were not monkeys!
* Cracking your knuckles DOES NOT give you arthritis.
* Duck’s quack does echo.
* Your gold fish is not that silly. It has a pretty good memory.
* Aladdin’s magic carpet did not exist. There were no seven dwarfs. There was no fairy, no shoe got missing, no pumpkin was ever so lucky to become a carriage and rats were never horses!
“NO! THERE WAS NO MERMAID WHO GOT LEGS AND MARRY A PRINCE!”
“NO! No one can have magic hair that glows when they sing!” (pardon me, I have kids here who interrupt sometimes)
These were a few popular myths and most of us believe some of them. But the truth is they are not facts. Now I am going to bust the most popular myth that is probably has become a popular belief. Romantic love.
‘Invented’ by French Troubadours some 800 years back through their poetry, plays and songs, Romantic Love Syndrome bring with it some more myths. To make your life easy believe the following and prevent heartache that brings anxiety, depression, grief and sorrow.
*There is nothing like ‘happily ever after”.
* Love does not last forever.
* Love cannot change your spouse/partner.
* Love cannot conquer all.
All the above look very tempting, but in fairy tales.
Caution: The baseless belief is lethal. You may end up doing drugs, smoking or drinking habits that could cause cancers.
Nile is a writer. He does not sell his thoughts. And no one buys them. He is a mason by profession. Today the writer in him is starving of thoughts. All he has are a few ripples of unclear and incomplete ideas in his stagnant mind. He is trapped. Trapped in his past. He dreamt of his abusive step-mother last night and he is still unable to connect to the real world. She has died, but she is still alive in him in the form of a haunting memory and still visits him when least expected.
Yesterday, he was sitting in the hospital waiting for his daughter-in-law to come out of the labor room with a huge good news by her side in the form of little newly born life. His son, Adam, was there. Happy and anxious. He was seeing his old days in his son. When his wife was pregnant and the biggest day of their lives came, he was feeling the same as his son is feeling now. After the time which seemed like ages, the nurse came out and deliver the good news. He was now grandpa of a fragile cute baby girl. He was happy, very happy.
And today, he woke up with heavy heart, frightened and weak. He wants to run to a place where these memories cannot come to haunt him. He is feeble. He thinks of his grand daughter. He promised his son and daughter-in-law to visit them today, but he is here, feeling paralyzed. But as a final trial he makes a decision. He makes a decision not to think about his step-mother for even for a fraction of a second. He goes into the bedroom, takes out his finest cloth and starts getting ready to leave. After an hour he is ready to leave. He steps outside the house.
As the last key opens the lock, his decision of not feeding his bad memories set him free of misery. He is powerful now because he has decided not to feed his energy to these memories.