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A Victim’s Plan


Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and just what not? Ever encountered those toxic people? If not everyone, many of us have such people in their lives. I have written as a guide to those who have such toxics in their families.
Talking about the person who is under burden; the victim. What should a victim do? Plan? Isn’t it the only way out when it comes to abuse? I have seen people planning to save them from such toxics. Researching, talking, taking advices regarding their problem. But what I have understood; excessive planning itself is a symptom of being dangerously abused. We plan each and every step to make us secure. This make us sleepless, restless, and prone to catch allergies and many other physical and psychological diseases. So, what should be done?
There is only one piece of advice that fits in this situation.
Plan only once and stick with it.
No doubt, prevention is better than cure and these people are no less than a lethal disease, but there is no use of planning again and again, researching and talking about it each day. Thus, you would be living that abuse even when the abuser would be sleeping in his cozy bed.
So, make a plan and stick with it. Have a blessed life!

Dealing with Toxic Family Members


We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.

Village News: After a very long time…


My shepherd friend visited me today and it was a surprise, again! He always surprises me, but sometimes his surprise visits are extraordinary. He ‘caught me in the act’, according to his terminology.
“Why the long face?” his voice was enough to make me jump. I was sitting beside my chicken coop, head tilted and vision set on a grass leaf, right on the shady side of the leaf. The sun was rising and the golden sunshine was making the grass glow. I was not present there mentally. I was looking at the shady side of the leaf apparently, but my mind was being dragged into the ‘black hole’. Again, ‘black hole’ is his term he use to describe negativity.
Well, he really have ‘caught me in the act’. I was thinking about my deceased grand mother. I actually was not lucky enough to see my parents. My father died before my birth. My mother could not bear the loss and died right after I took my first breathe. I never really feel any heartache because of this. I had my grandma to look after me and she was a wonderful lady.
“You kinda scared me!” I said
He laughed. “It is called surprise, my dear friend. What happened to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing. You mean No-good-thing?”
“I am missing my grandma. Sometimes I miss her so much. Why did God chose me to bear such losses. All I have was my grandma in the name of family.
“Well, I must say, you are again disturbing yourself and worrying about God business. He send your grandma to this world years before you. She spent her life here and left after the decided time.”
“I know. Where is your herd?” I changed the topic.
“Nearby. Want some delicious food? Didn’t you make coffee today?”
“Yes. I did.”
He opened his bag and took out strange but surprisingly delicious snacks.
“How do you make these?”
“Chef’s secret.” he winked.
“I wish I were like you.”
“You mean old?” he laughed.
“No. Lively.”
“So, you think I am old.” he laughed again.
“What is this?” I pointed to something he had wrapped in cloth. “Looks like a box.”
“Yes, it is box of wonders. And it is the answer to the question you always ask, ‘ Why are you so carefree?’ he unwrapped the box. It was made of wood and to be honest I have never seen such a beautiful design made on wood before. He opened it. There was a book wrapped in a beautiful colorful velvet cloth.
He opened the book. It was the Holy Book.
“It is the answer to my question that why you don’t take stress? I have read it before.”
“That’s my point, friend. You have read it and I believe in it.”

Nose: An extraordinary figure


The main function of the nose is breathing. At least that was what I had in my mind before typing ‘nose’ into google search box. I almost had an heart attack at the first glance on the Wikipedia page. They have picture of a dog nose there. Well, I have some pretty human nose in mind to win the wiki position, but, for ‘human nose’ they have another section. Clicking ‘human nose’ link did not give me a heart attack but they again failed to meet my expectation of pretty nose picture. They say that it is the protruding part of the face that bears the nostrils. Now the picture looks quiet competitive to go along with the sentence (NOI nose owner! My nose happens to be elder sister of your nose).

I was very much concern about the nose of my kids. My nose happens to be something that has been causing inferiority (or I should say protrud-iority) complex since childhood. I could foresee the noses of my to-be-born kids. The only ray of hope was my wife-to-be. Call it destiny or whatever, when I fall in love, my nose heart bumped into someone with quiet the same nose as mine. She says, “We already had a nose for being a couple”. So, you may anticipate, I have inherited my nose to my kids.

I think when aliens will come on our planet they will find our noses quiet funny. But maybe they cannot see beyond the ends of their noses that’s why they are not going to arrive, at least in near future. We will discuss this maybe some other time. For today our focus is nose.

People do a lot of stuff with their noses, without even once thinking about it. Some people pick their noses in public. Some love to poke noses in others life. I don’t know why they cannot keep their noses out of others businesses. My neighbor is really nosy, but it never gets up my nose. Honestly, it is no skin off my nose.

I love my wife with all my heart and nose soul. But sometimes when I put my nose to the grindstone her nose goes out of joint. When it happens I always have to sit in the backyard to write peacefully.

It is too cold here. I should follow my nose and go back to the TV lounge. I do not want my 15 year old son to win by a nose, grasp the TV remote control and start watching TV right under my nose.

Nosing into the house!

Wait! are you thinking about your nose now?