So, I was here on WordPress and typing my “intellectual posts” and in my mind I had become a widely known writer after typing a few lines. Suddenly, he came. Yes, yes, my shepherd friend.
I had typed this so far. Have you ever wonder we ask a lot and don’t thank that much? We cannot go a few minutes without God’s blessing (think about oxygen in the air).
He added, “We are designed to depend on Him.”
“You!”, I was astonished. “Where you come from all of a sudden?” My eyes could easily break that lady’s eye popping world record.
“I was passing by and saw you writing.” he replied.
“Okay. Well, now I should ask you how we can thank God. I understand what you said; we are designed to depend on Him.”
“It is simple.” Yes, for you. How can he be always right? I thought.
He smiled and I could not look into his eyes. He was a mind reader. I had forgot.
“Say ‘Thank you, God’, he continued, ” and feel the thankfulness and his love.”
“I want to do more.” I said
“Well, you cannot pay thanks equal to his favors for you. He is your creator.”
“I know. But I want to thank Him and be one in those who he considered Thankful.” I was serious.
“Okay then I have an advice for you. Thank him whenever you feel that you should be thankful. Just say, ‘Thank you God’ with all your heart. And help others. You don’t know how much He loves you and His other creatures. If you will help His creatures He will be very happy with you. He loves you thousands times more than your mother. And you know how a women feels when someone helps her child.”
I remember when I was a kid and cry over some TV show or movie my mother used to say “It just happens on screen.” The way she used to say this was so comforting that I started to believe that real life was easier and happier. Now, I know my mother had a very good sense of humor!
We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.
My shepherd friend visited me today and it was a surprise, again! He always surprises me, but sometimes his surprise visits are extraordinary. He ‘caught me in the act’, according to his terminology.
“Why the long face?” his voice was enough to make me jump. I was sitting beside my chicken coop, head tilted and vision set on a grass leaf, right on the shady side of the leaf. The sun was rising and the golden sunshine was making the grass glow. I was not present there mentally. I was looking at the shady side of the leaf apparently, but my mind was being dragged into the ‘black hole’. Again, ‘black hole’ is his term he use to describe negativity.
Well, he really have ‘caught me in the act’. I was thinking about my deceased grand mother. I actually was not lucky enough to see my parents. My father died before my birth. My mother could not bear the loss and died right after I took my first breathe. I never really feel any heartache because of this. I had my grandma to look after me and she was a wonderful lady.
“You kinda scared me!” I said
He laughed. “It is called surprise, my dear friend. What happened to you?”
“Nothing. You mean No-good-thing?”
“I am missing my grandma. Sometimes I miss her so much. Why did God chose me to bear such losses. All I have was my grandma in the name of family.
“Well, I must say, you are again disturbing yourself and worrying about God business. He send your grandma to this world years before you. She spent her life here and left after the decided time.”
“I know. Where is your herd?” I changed the topic.
“Nearby. Want some delicious food? Didn’t you make coffee today?”
“Yes. I did.”
He opened his bag and took out strange but surprisingly delicious snacks.
“How do you make these?”
“Chef’s secret.” he winked.
“I wish I were like you.”
“You mean old?” he laughed.
“So, you think I am old.” he laughed again.
“What is this?” I pointed to something he had wrapped in cloth. “Looks like a box.”
“Yes, it is box of wonders. And it is the answer to the question you always ask, ‘ Why are you so carefree?’ he unwrapped the box. It was made of wood and to be honest I have never seen such a beautiful design made on wood before. He opened it. There was a book wrapped in a beautiful colorful velvet cloth.
He opened the book. It was the Holy Book.
“It is the answer to my question that why you don’t take stress? I have read it before.”
“That’s my point, friend. You have read it and I believe in it.”