Google and Relationship Advices

Have you ever type such things in Google search box
‘How to impress a girl’
‘Why is he not talking to me’
‘How to tell if he loves me’
‘My husband ignores me what should I do’
‘How to make a man happy’
‘How to get rid of a girlfriend’
‘How to deal with an ex’
‘How to deal with an angry spouse’
‘How to stop fighting with your husband’
‘How to stop a nagging wife’
and the list goes on. If you have typed any above query or something like these you are not alone. Google is the second best parent and friend for many with relationship problems. After all, Google knows a lot about everything! Sometimes I wonder should I write relationship advice articles? Edison-ically speaking, I know 10,)00 ways that do not work!
Now, for the people who are reading it for the sake of advice instead of some blah-blah, the best piece of advice I can offer for men is;
Fake it and Tell lies!
Really, fake it that you love her even if you want her to disappear somehow and let you breathe. When you feel you need space, instead of misbehaving and crushing her heart, say, “I will be late from office.” Go out for a half an hour walk or unwind yourself by giving yourself some me-time away from home.
Now, for ladies, the best relationship advice is;
Let him Breathe. Give him space! (I am a lady and I am saying it.)
You are not his mom. So stop being one. Do not revolve around him. He loves you and you love him too, but that does not mean that you make him your whole world and kill him with extra-sweetness and make him dizzy by revolving around. That is why please, do not suffocate him. Men need ‘me-time’ more than you do.
I did not want to write such an article after big-time flop article on the same topic . But as I say, I am a lady, so I cannot keep shut up for a long time.

Secret Of Successful Marriage

Getting directly to the point. Here you are going to find those untold precious advices that can transform your married life from a ‘I-made-a-mistake’ song to a sweet love note!!! Tada!
Well, that was exaggeration. To tell you the truth, if you act upon the following three advices you will lower the chances of divorce in your relationship. Divorce rate in many (I think all the) countries, is sadly, getting higher and higher. The reason is (maybe) the increasing materialistic approach to get happiness and contentment in life. If it is not the only reason. It surely is one of the reasons.
Well, here on this blog our (why do I write our? Traces of a former lecturer style are still in my mind, maybe.) aim is to make life easier and happier. So, following are the three gems;
1. Wife should be thin as compared to husband. Now, I am not saying that you should starve you to death, but you should be leaner than your husband. Healthy diet and exercise will do the trick. Conversely, always cook what your husband loves to eat. Bake pies, cakes, use full cream milk, cook oily foods, fry everything. in short, make him fat. 😀
2. Never ever watch a romantic movie together or alone. When I say never, I really mean it. We subconsciously compare our lives to the unreal lives of the actors. Romantic movies just make you feel ‘there is something wrong in our relationship’. (Instead watch a serial killer movie, you will feel great, just kidding.)
3. Do not spend too much time on social networking websites. This habit make you distant from your real surroundings. You wife or husband will feel alone in your presence. This is a real alarming sign.
I am a newly wed so I am not sure about these. So try this at your own risk.

Dealing with Toxic Family Members

We all at some point in time come across some toxic people. The harm these people cause is unbearable most of the times and cutting off all the ties is no doubt, the perfect solution. But what about toxic family members? We live with them. We have shared a huge part of life with them. Siblings, spouse or a parent, you cannot simply push them out of your life. What should be done if you are a victim of such a poisonous relationship?
Here we will discuss some very important and powerful tactics and strategies regarding this situation.
The best solution is cutting of all ties. Yes, even if they are family members, they are toxic. No one has a right to control you, irritate you and make your life a living hell. But a fact is ; not everyone can afford a separate accommodation, So, what can be done if you have to live under the same roof.
1. Do not argue with them. Arguments make them feel that they are getting power over you.
2. My mother used to tell me that she never cried in front of my father. Later, I read it somewhere that the victim of such people should never show any weakness in front of them and most importantly they should not cry as it symbolizes weakness. They want to crush you down. Don’t make them think that they have achieved what they wanted.
3. For your own betterment and peace of mind you should forgive them but do not trust them again. Know, they are not your well-wishers. Do not hope or ask them for any emotional support. They will come out to be emotional abusers.
4. Practice meditation. Exercise and take care of your health. Such tension within a family cause so much harm to your mental peace and ultimately to your physical health.
5. You can control your reactions to what they are doing but you cannot control them. Such people love to annoy their victim by every means they love to harm. They love to spread rumors and discussing your personal life with others revealing your secrets. Being your family, they have advantage of knowing about your life the most. In such situations what should you do? The answer is ‘nothing’. You cannot take revenge by doing the same to them. You cannot go to everyone and clarify things. Just stay quiet and go on with your life. If someone tells you something they are saying to people, stay calm and act mature.
6. You cannot live separately. You are not financially strong enough to live in another house or something. You cannot just change your city or country. The best you can do here is to minimize the contact. How? Do not eat together with them. Do not watch TV with them. Do not go out with them. In short, act as if they are not living with you.
7. Engage in yourself. Make yourself happy. Go shopping, go fishing, go riding; do whatever you love to do.
8. Do not put off what you wanted to do with your life. Make your decisions fearlessly,
9. A very powerful tool that these negative people use is ‘guilt’. They make you feel guilty about things. For example, your sibling can trap you in situations where it appears to you that you are mean or selfish. Your abusive parent can make you think that you are the disrespectful or disobedient brat so you deserve such a reaction from them. Don’t fall into this trap. Tell yourself that you have not done anything bad. No one has the right to control you and make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. No one has the right to de-value your self-worth or hurt your self esteem.
We are more than 7 billion people on earth, with more than 7 billion different life stories. Don’t waste your time mourning over the bad behavior of one person. Go on with your life. Stay blessed.

Super Glue Wife

Jack is man who has no life,
Alas! Alas! he has a super glue wife!
Super Glue Wife!
Super Glue Wife!
Jack has no life!
He has a Super Glue Wife!

He was happy when he was single
And when he mingle
It was a blast, not a jingle!
Jack is a man who has Super Glue Wife!
Super Glue Wife!
Super Glue Wife!

Her gaze is rife,
That’s why Jack has no nightlife,
He cannot raise his voice,
So there is not fife!
O! OHhohoh
Super Glue Wife!

He needs some space,
He want to feel alive,
But wherever he goes.
He has to accompany his wife,
Super Glue Wife,
Super Glue Wife,

Jack is man who has no life,
Alas! Alas! he has a super glue wife!
Super Glue Wife!
Super Glue Wife!
Jack has no life!
He has a Super Glue Wife!

Nose: An extraordinary figure

The main function of the nose is breathing. At least that was what I had in my mind before typing ‘nose’ into google search box. I almost had an heart attack at the first glance on the Wikipedia page. They have picture of a dog nose there. Well, I have some pretty human nose in mind to win the wiki position, but, for ‘human nose’ they have another section. Clicking ‘human nose’ link did not give me a heart attack but they again failed to meet my expectation of pretty nose picture. They say that it is the protruding part of the face that bears the nostrils. Now the picture looks quiet competitive to go along with the sentence (NOI nose owner! My nose happens to be elder sister of your nose).

I was very much concern about the nose of my kids. My nose happens to be something that has been causing inferiority (or I should say protrud-iority) complex since childhood. I could foresee the noses of my to-be-born kids. The only ray of hope was my wife-to-be. Call it destiny or whatever, when I fall in love, my nose heart bumped into someone with quiet the same nose as mine. She says, “We already had a nose for being a couple”. So, you may anticipate, I have inherited my nose to my kids.

I think when aliens will come on our planet they will find our noses quiet funny. But maybe they cannot see beyond the ends of their noses that’s why they are not going to arrive, at least in near future. We will discuss this maybe some other time. For today our focus is nose.

People do a lot of stuff with their noses, without even once thinking about it. Some people pick their noses in public. Some love to poke noses in others life. I don’t know why they cannot keep their noses out of others businesses. My neighbor is really nosy, but it never gets up my nose. Honestly, it is no skin off my nose.

I love my wife with all my heart and nose soul. But sometimes when I put my nose to the grindstone her nose goes out of joint. When it happens I always have to sit in the backyard to write peacefully.

It is too cold here. I should follow my nose and go back to the TV lounge. I do not want my 15 year old son to win by a nose, grasp the TV remote control and start watching TV right under my nose.

Nosing into the house!

Wait! are you thinking about your nose now?

Once Upon a time…

Sing Along! I don’t care: A fat man’s poem

I don’t care if I am fat,
I don’t care if it is bad,
If I resembles a rat,
My wife is a bat,
I don’t care if I am fat.

I am a morning person,
I love to sprat,
I go alone to fish,
I am father of a brat!
And my wife has a cat!
I don’t care if I am fat.

I have seen a gnat,
It was wearing a hat,
I once visited Sarratt,
and made a friend Biernat,
I don’t care if I am fat,

I don’t care if I am fat!